The Train Ride: a Play by The J-Man

Scene I "The Idea"

It's a typical Galician apartment, two girls are just..hanging out. A handsome man enters.

J:"So Ella (Big-headed Finn), any plans for the weekend?"
E:"Well, actually I'm going to Leon, I have a friend who studies there."
J:"Really? That's nice."
E:"I think so too. So, what about you guys?"
J:"No plans really, at least not yet."
E:"Oh, OK."
K:"Hey, how 'bout we go to Madrid?"
J:"Let's DO IT!!" (Voice of Joe from Family Guy)

Girl exits.

Scene II "The Girl"

It's morning the next day, about 8.30 am. J and K are sitting on a train, looking slightly puzzled, but excited.

J:"I can't believe we're actually on a train to Madrid. This is WHACK!" (much like PlayStation)
K laughs.
K:"Yep, I just called Martina, she said we could stay at her place, so why not?"
J:"Outstanding!"
J listening to music, K rolling around in her seat, trying desperately to sleep.
A woman enters the train with a little girl.
K:"AWWW, so cuuuute!!" (pronounced khjuut)

Five minutes later the little girl starts asking random things from a gentleman in front of her.
The mother looks bored, not really paying attention.

Girl:"Mom, you're boring, I'm gonna go play with the man."
Mom:"No, you're not, sit down."

Girl does the lower-lip-thing that kids do and mopes.
Two minutes later she gets tired of moping and starts to bother the man again.

Girl:"How come you got earphones and I don't?"
Man:"Because I'm trying to watch a movie."
Girl:"Oh yeah? What's it about?"
Man:"It's about some robbers doing a heist in Venice."
Girl:"Are you a robber?"
Man:"No."
Girl:"Why not?"
Man:"Well, I like my current job and I wouldn't like to go to jail."
Girl:"You're funny."
Man:"Thank you."
Girl:"Can you give your earphones?"
Man:"I think you have a pair in the seat pocket in front of you."
Girl:"Yours are nicer."
Man:"All right, here you go." (hands out earphones to girl and takes a new pair from the empty seat next to him)

Time passes. Girl tries to squeeze herself through the gap between the window and the seat in front of her, being more and more annoying/funny. K and J stare in growing disbelief as the mother acts like she doesn't notice anything. Tension rises. The girl sticks her fingers into the man's ears from behind and wiggles them around, laughing hysterically. K and J take cover, predicting an explosion and, possibly, a double homicide. Against all odds, the man laughs and frees himself by tickling.

Follows a montage, in which K laughs at times at the girl, at times whines about the 9-hour train trip to J. Meanwhile, the man whips out some chocolate for the mom from his man-bag, some crayons! for the girl and proceeds to assist her in drawing a colorful picture, that he then ties up into a neat roll with what looks like a twig and some horse-hair, that he pulls out of nowhere, all the while amusing the girl with some conversation.

K:"What an adorable man!" (man continues to enact chapters from the book "Being the perfect man/dad" by...someone)
J:"Seriously, if that woman isn't going to propose, I will. Or I'll hire him to be my dad on my road trip."

As the train approaches their station, the woman and the girl gather their things to get off. As the train comes to a screeching halt, the girl falls flat on the corridor like a domino piece.

K:"Aww, poor thing."
J trying desperately not to burst into an uncontrollable laughter.

Girl:"No me gusta este tren!" ("This train sucks!")

K and J crack up completely, joined by the mother who escorts the girl out of the train.

Scene III "Before sunrise"

K and J gaze at the changing views, pointing out beautiful trees, hills and rocks to each other, basically acting out the 1995 hit movie starring Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy, only with no romance and an uglier beard.

K:" Would you look at those mountains!"
J:"Beautiful. Except I don't think they qualify as mountains, they're not steep enough."
K:"Fine, hills."
J:"I think they're more like rolling plains. Yes, definitely rolling plains."
K:"You're such an ass!"
J:"I know, it's what I do best.."

Slowly the countryside turns into suburbia and then into a throbbing (that's right, I said "throbbing") metropolis, as the train slows down. K and J step down to the platform.

K:"FINALLY!!"
J:"And to think we could have paid 12 euros more to make this trip on a 50-minute flight. We sure saved some money."

K:"AAAAAAARRRGGGHH!!!!"

K chases J into the sunset.

FIN.