The reigning champion has held his title for as long as he has existed, now holding a compelling professional record of 6,3 billion wins, 0 losses, and 1,2 billion KO's. In the terms of today's sport, his batting average is around .998 and a whopping 1,2 billion career homeruns. This might scare most challengers, but today a feisty group of young academics is willing to step up to the plate and try to bring down the hitherto indisputable champion.
And now, let's have a look at the rosters. Home team today, Alcohol, with his basic line-up: as the pitcher, Tequila; first base, 1906, a local strong beer; and as the short stop, mojito, a seemingly docile, but deceptive drink.
Next, the visitors, a 3-person team from the icy plains of Finland. As captain, The J-man, a relentless fighter who rarely knows the meaning of "OK fine, but these are the last ones!". He was recently transferred from his long-time home team of HGC (Horrible Guys Club), where he fought alongside some living legends such as Mo "Vamos" Pete and F'Baian "The Dream Boyfriend".
On first, Kataya, an international talent who has played for several different franchises in her past, such as the infamous MBTS (Madrid Body Tequila Society). On right field, a rookie, who actually joined the team but 7 hours before game-time, Big-E.
In a pregame interview Big-E revealed that she had actually scouted the stadium earlier, in order to maybe spot some weaknesses in the opponent's outfield. The J-Man and Kataya arrived at the stadium in a rather original Reggaeton-Cab. This cologne-marinated shaggin' wagon, with it's Rick Fox-look-a-like chauffeur, were definitely not modest about the amount of decibels they produced. As the J-Man, trying desperately to make conversation and thus reduce the blasting bass-line below the 140 db threshold remarked casually that this was the song where the woman needs more petrol (DAME MAS GASOLIIIINAAA!!), instead of turning down the volume, the driver flipped open the LCD TV-screen!!! between the front seats, revealing the music video of the very song, and boosted the sub-woofer...
Once at the stadium, the Finnish team retires to their dugout to come up with a tactic. Nice and easy wins 2-1. The umpire blows into his whistle: LETS PLAY BALL!!
Trying to get a general feel of the enemy, the challengers go for a 1906, a Coronita, and a pink girly cocktail. Whilst taking his first sip, the Captain and pitcher of the team comes to the realization that he has, ipso facto, not eaten anything after a salad at lunch. STRIKE ONE!!
After two innings The J-Man decides that it's time to change strategy. So many attempts to beat the champion have ended in too slow drinking, and the girls were definitely not going to be able to beat Big-Al in his own game. The J-Man opts for an all-out offense and, without telling his teammates, orders the first round of tequilas.
After the initial shock and some mild resistance The J-Man's leadership is enough to bring the rest of the team aboard. Having finished the 3rd inning with some strong batting, the Finns proceed to the outfield.
The next few hitters are somehow all called "Tequila", but the outfield stays strong. The J-man keeps calling out for more hitters in a feeling of invulnerability, keeping the rest of the team in the game by leading by example.
Then, in inning 6 or 9 both of the girls suddenly end up at second base. After a moment of cheering The J-Man realizes to his dismay that this actually qualifies as playing for the other team.. STRIKE TWO!!
A couple of innings later the score is tied. The young Finns are fatigued, but the stadium is out of shot-glasses, both teams are looking to deliver the final blow. Trying to psyche out the home team the Finnish captain moves to taunt the pitcher: "Hombre, no hay mas copas? hahahhahahha!!!" To his disappointment the home team replies by whipping out bigger glasses and pouring doubles. The girls are ready to throw in the towel. The J-Man however, hearing a crescendo of the song "Sirius" by Alan Parsons Project in his head, decides to knock the last one out of the ball park. As a desperation move, he points out to the left field, reaches for the last two glasses and downs them.
STRIKE THREE!!
As an attempt to kick them when they're down, the bartender tries to offer the visitors some more tequila, but it's no use. This game is over.
In a mixture of disappointment and disbelief, the Finns exit the stadium. Kataya suddenly remembers that nobody paid the referees, and returns to the stadium. Meanwhile, Big-E in a relatively bad oxygen succeeds in hailing a cab and retreats home to lick her wounds. As an act of self-punishment The J-Man pulls a fast one and starts walking home without telling anyone. 5 miles later he finds his teammate Kataya on their home street, trying to explain to a very eager stranger that she does not, SEERIOUSLY, want to move in with him. Unfortunately Kataya's communicative skills have deteriorated to a point where the words only come out in a very high pitched sighs, and in Finnish. Ever the gentleman I escort my comrade to our door, while dismissing the Spaniard by saying BZZZZZZ!!
---In a post-game interview on the next day The J-Man admits to perhaps having been on a slight power trip when trying to drink all the tequila in a Spanish bar, with a team of 3, of which two concentrated mostly on dancing after the 7th inning. He also added that he would like a sandwich, and will not drink any tequila for at least 48 hours.---
2 comments:
Iltaa on tullut näköjään vietettyä melkoisessa tasapainossa, vallan.... :)
aivan helmi kamaa!
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