How to Sleep Well in Stone Town, Zanzibar

0. Do not eat Pasta Arrabiata for lunch (or add local chili to it)

1. Do not eat shrimps for dinner
2. If you have to eat shrimps, don't take the "spicier" dish
3. If you do the above anyway, do not order spiced tea "to calm down your stomach"

4. Do not turn down the fan from "full" to "2/4", prioritizing silence over temperature
5. Do not move the table in front of the door "for security reasons"
6. If you do, remember that it is there when you go to the bathroom

7. Make sure there is plenty of toilet paper available before you go to bed
8. If there isn't, make sure that the water from the hand shower isn't too cold
9. When you jump up from the toilet, be aware of the wet floor
10. After using the hand shower, make sure it doesn't leak on the floor

11. Do not try to wet your sheets with cool water and hang them below the fan to "enhance the cooling"
12. Remember to remove the mosquito net BEFORE getting out of bed
13. see number 6

14. Make sure that there aren't any roosters on the backyard BEFORE you accept the room
15. If there are no other rooms available, make sure you have a silenced rifle in the room
16. Make sure that your room is not close to a mosque, where the Imam invites people to pray at 5.30 am
17. see number 15

18. If you have to go to the bathroom every 5 minutes, there's no point in going to bed in between, just sleep on the toilet seat.
19. Remember the 5 cm of water on the bathroom floor, before you try to sleep on it.

As a matter of fact, your best bet is to avoid sleeping in Stone Town at all costs. Unless you want to pay 250$ for an air-conditioned, hopefully soundproof room, and bring your own food (and a rifle, just in case).